We are in the middle of a party here in Volterra. The wives have really made a big celebration this year. Athenodora has us on an Easter Egg Hunt which is in full swing. The wives always go out of their way to make the human holidays so special – Easter is no exception…
But today I am feeling… I don’t know. Fraudulent. Like I shouldn’t be celebrating Christ’s rebirth after the “rebirth” I have experienced.
In my previous life, I was a devout Catholic. How could I not be? I came from an Italian family. My mother was French, and she too came from a Roman Catholic background. Not exactly a very forgiving bunch. So every Easter I wrestle with reconciling my past with my present. Early in my new immortality, I vowed that I would only feed on those who are not so innocent. But when you are hungry it is hard to sit and do the research for a thorough background check, yes? That and the blood of the condemned tastes funny to me sometimes. I can tell if they have been doing drugs or if they consumed much alcohol in their lives. It is like I can taste their hatred of the world.
So I guess I am a vampire with somewhat of a conscience. Maybe the Cullen family is onto something there with their “alternative lifestyle” of vegetarianism. I have tried it. The last time I visited Forks, Edward gave me some pointers on what to expect. When I came home, I tried hunting in Africa – it wasn’t half bad. I don’t much care for the deer common to Forks, but I do have a liking for big cats.
I do not know if this is going to be a permanent life change, but it is nice to know that it is an option (as Africa is not too far from Italy – at least not for me). I wrestle with my demons and deal with them as best I can. So what did I do? I went to St. Peter’s Basilica at Twilight, hid in a niche and painted this:
And I felt better….
It is what it is. I am a vampire. And I will count the blessings I do have instead of dwelling on what I am – which I cannot change. Surely He will forgive me for that?
