I saw Bethan in the infirmary a few nights ago and thankfully she seemed like she was fine and that she was going to be OK.  I am so glad that I had that chance to visit her.

I had no idea that it would be my last.

Bethan decided that she wanted to leave us, and the Masters let her go.  She was a wonderful student and had huge potential.  I was surprised that she would be allowed to go so easily.  What a mess we have made.

Renata has developed a new facet to her power.  Her shield has changed in such a way that she can enter our memories – and erase them.  This has proven quite useful – especially in light of our situation.  Poor Jane was an early test and it seems that she has lost more of her memories than intended.

Marcus and I talked.  He has asked me to undergo this memory wipe of sorts.  He wanted to know what I wanted to remember and what I wanted to let go.  A heart wrenching question.  Still reeling from seeing the two of them, I told him to erase all the pain.  To erase everything that pertained to him.

Is this really what I want though?  Will I remember who he is?  Will I remember that I love him?

Sweet innocent Beth…  She left me a note before her change.  I will so miss our friendship and our sisterhood.  Shall I forget who she is as well?  It is probably best.  Maybe our paths will cross again someday.  She mentioned in her letter that with her gone, I might find true happiness.

Ah, sweet, young, Bethan.  It isn’t so simple.  She may forget her feelings for him, but he will never forget his feelings for her.  And therein lies the irony:  If I am to forget, I won’t know that will I?  So I will be ripe and vulnerable for him to hurt me all over again.  Will he?

I am not sure true happiness is meant for me.  I just want to find my purpose, my reason for being again…

I hope for a fresh start – for me and the dear sister I lost.  I hope she can one day forgive me for all the hurt I caused her.