It was a day of confusion. I have been sorting things out in my head for two days now. For two days ago… He kissed me. Like all the fantasies that have played out in my head for the last two decades – only better. Feeling his lips on mine was both wonderful – and bittersweet.
It was sudden and unexpected. I didn’t have time to react. But she saw it – and it broke her heart; it broke mine all over again. To see the pain and confusion on both their faces was too much to bear…
He says he is confused. I feel absolutely terrible that I am the one responsible for that confusion. He wouldn’t be feeling it if I hadn’t made that fateful admission to him. If I would have kept it to myself, we wouldn’t be facing this.
He says he needs time to decide. He needs time to process the immense feelings that have overcome him – feelings he had not let himself feel for a very long time. I already fear his decision. I fear he doesn’t look at me the way he looks at her. I can see devotion in his eyes, but I am afraid that it is not for me. The kiss could have been nothing but an attempt to erase the pain he caused me in the only way he knew how…
I cannot be angry at Beth. She is my sister, and will always be my friend. Though I am confused at how she could fall for the very object of the secrets I divulged to her, I know that the heart does not pay heed to who came first. I do not blame her. If she could finally be the one to open his heart after the loss he has suffered, then my broken heart is at least happy for that ironic blessing.
Tomorrow is another day…