Posts Tagged ‘Renata’

Life as I Know It…

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

… has been shaken up a bit this week.

This week was the Volturi Meeting.  It had been so long since all of us were in a room together.  The meeting was held by a Cais’ brother, Marcus – a new Master(or at least new to me).  I had this strange feeling.  I knew every single face there – except his.  I have a feeling deep down that I am supposed to know who he is – that he fills these gaps in my mind that are missing…  Am I losing it?

The meeting progressed with an annoucement of Renata’s new development.  Her shield has changed a bit and she can reach into our memories; and remove them.  A fleeting moment of recognition enters my mind:  Is this why I am missing parts of my recollection?  Was I an experiment?  And did memories of him vanish?

I look over at my brothers in arms, and can see the same looks of confusion on their faces…

Something went terribly wrong with all of us.  So wrong that Renata’s shield changed and we had all been ordered to forget it…  I can’t imagine what could have shaken our resolve so badly.  Part of me wants to know so that I can be prepared… So I can help ensure that our guard never be so irretrievably broken.

But part of me is scared to know.  I can’t imagine what could have been so terrible that I would have asked Renata to wipe it from my mind entirely…

The Guard has been healed from whatever the malady was that struck us.  This is the most important thing I suppose.

The Santiago, Demetri, Felix, and Corin have been sent to the states.  Renata and I must deal with a problem closer to home…

She is gone…

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

I saw Bethan in the infirmary a few nights ago and thankfully she seemed like she was fine and that she was going to be OK.  I am so glad that I had that chance to visit her.

I had no idea that it would be my last.

Bethan decided that she wanted to leave us, and the Masters let her go.  She was a wonderful student and had huge potential.  I was surprised that she would be allowed to go so easily.  What a mess we have made.

Renata has developed a new facet to her power.  Her shield has changed in such a way that she can enter our memories – and erase them.  This has proven quite useful – especially in light of our situation.  Poor Jane was an early test and it seems that she has lost more of her memories than intended.

Marcus and I talked.  He has asked me to undergo this memory wipe of sorts.  He wanted to know what I wanted to remember and what I wanted to let go.  A heart wrenching question.  Still reeling from seeing the two of them, I told him to erase all the pain.  To erase everything that pertained to him.

Is this really what I want though?  Will I remember who he is?  Will I remember that I love him?

Sweet innocent Beth…  She left me a note before her change.  I will so miss our friendship and our sisterhood.  Shall I forget who she is as well?  It is probably best.  Maybe our paths will cross again someday.  She mentioned in her letter that with her gone, I might find true happiness.

Ah, sweet, young, Bethan.  It isn’t so simple.  She may forget her feelings for him, but he will never forget his feelings for her.  And therein lies the irony:  If I am to forget, I won’t know that will I?  So I will be ripe and vulnerable for him to hurt me all over again.  Will he?

I am not sure true happiness is meant for me.  I just want to find my purpose, my reason for being again…

I hope for a fresh start – for me and the dear sister I lost.  I hope she can one day forgive me for all the hurt I caused her.

So Much Going On…

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009

So much has happened around here lately.  Where to start?  Renata and Santi have eloped!  Ren wanted to spare Corin from going through the heartbreak of a wedding so soon after Mary called it off with theirs.  Ren and Santi are going to have a wedding for the family later.  Renata is going to be a beautiful bride…

Corin.  My poor brother…  He has been through so much in the last few weeks.  I feel horrible that I have been so caught up with my own affiars that I hadn’t been there for him.  He has been spending much time with Jane though…  It is wonderful to see them both smiling again.

And Felix!  He surprised us the other night…  When he came back from his mission – he brought someone  with him; he brought a girl home to Volterra!  After getting over the initial shock, we all settled in to meet her.  She is lovely and truly makes him happier than I have ever seen him in years – if I have ever seen him this happy.  She has brought about a noticable change in him; he deserves this happiness.

Seeing everyone around me makes me both happy and sad…  Happy for all my loved ones, and a little sad that there can be no little piece of happiness for me.  Alas, if this is the way it is to be I can accept it gracefully and be happy for everyone else…